Get Ready to Groan: Hilarious Dad Jokes

1. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

2. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!

3. Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.

4. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

5. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? "Supplies!"

6. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

7. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

8. What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.

9. Want to hear a joke about construction? Never mind, I'm still working on that one.

10. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.

11. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

12. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

13. I'm reading a book on the history of glue. I just can't seem to put it down.

14. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

15. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

16. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.

17. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

18. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crummy.

19. Why did the duck cross the road? To prove he wasn't a chicken.

20. What does one wall say to the other? "I'll meet you at the corner!"

21. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

22. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

23. Why don't seagulls fly by the bay? Because then they would be bagels.

24. Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn't a chicken.

25. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.

26. What do you call a cow that plays an instrument? A moosician.

27. What do you call a snobbish criminal going down stairs? A condescending con descending.

28. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

29. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.

30. How do you organize a space party? You planet.

31. Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they'd be a chicken sedan.

32. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

33. What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.

34. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob.

35. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? "Supplies!"

36. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

37. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.

38. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.

39. What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.

40. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

41. I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

42. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

43. Why don't seagulls fly by the bay? Because then they would be bagels.

44. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

45. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

46. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.

47. Why don't oysters give to charity? Because they're shellfish.

48. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crummy.

49. What did one hat say to the other? "You stay here, I'll go on ahead."

50. Why can't you hear a pterodactyl use the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.

51. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

52. What did the left eye say to the right eye? "Between us, something smells."

53. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.

54. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.

55. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

56. Why don't ants get sick? They have tiny ant-bodies.

57.What do you call a group of cows playing instruments? A moo-sical band.

58. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

59. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

60. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

61. Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus.

62. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

63. Why is a bad joke like a pencil? They both need a good point.

64. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.

65. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired.

66. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

67. Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.

68. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

69. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

70. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

71. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

72. Why don't oysters give to charity? Because they're shellfish.

73. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crummy.

74. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.

75. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

76. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

77. What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.

78. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a baker? Frosting.

79. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

80. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob.

81. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.

82. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.

83. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.

84. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

85. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

86. What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.

87. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.

88. What do you call a snobbish criminal going down stairs? A condescending con descending.

89. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

90. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.

91. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

92. Why did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? "Supplies!"

93. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

94. Why don't seagulls fly by the bay? Because then they would be bagels.

95. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.

96. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

97. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

98. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

99. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

100. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.

101. What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.

102. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired.

103. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

104. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

105. Why don't seagulls fly by the bay? Because then they would be bagels.

106. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

107. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? "Supplies!"

108. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

109. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a baker? Frosting.

110. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired.

111. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.

112. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

113. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

114. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the