50 Adult Jokes Guaranteed to Make You Laugh

1. Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the bar on the other side.

2. What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

3. Why don't scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

4. Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

5. What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

6. Why don't oysters give to charity?

Because they're shellfish.

7. What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?

An investigator.

8. Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing!

9. Why was the math book sad?

Because it had too many problems.

10. Why did the bicycle fall over?

Because it was two-tired.

11. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh.

12. Why don't ants get sick?

Because they have tiny ant-bodies.

13. Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.

14. What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

15. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

16. Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

17. What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?

A can't opener.

18. Why did the chicken join a band?

Because it already had drumsticks.

19. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water?

Bob.

20. Why don't skeletons fight each other?

They don't have the guts.

21. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Because it felt crummy.

22. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in front of a door?

Matt.

23. Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

24. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a hole?

Phil.

25. Why did the frog call his insurance company?

He had a jump in his car.

26. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on the wall?

Art.

27. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

He wanted cold hard cash.

28. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

Frostbite.

29. Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing!

30. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russell.

31. Why did the man put his money in the oven?

He wanted to have hot dough.

32. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark?

Frostbite.

33. Why did the man put his money in the elevator?

He wanted his money to go up.

34. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

"Supplies!"

35. Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing!

36. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?

Bob.

37. Why did the man put his money in the mailbox?

He wanted to send his money to the bank.

38. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog?

Frostbite.

39. Why did the man put his money in the blender?

He wanted to make a smoothie.

40. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russell.

41. Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the ketchup bottle.

42. What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

Snowballs.

43. Why did the man put his money in the vending machine?

He wanted some change.

44. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a barbecue?

Frank.

45. Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it was blushing at the thought of being in a salad.

46. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a cow?

Frostbite.

47. Why did the man put his money in the toilet?

He wanted to flush his funds.

48. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a beach?

Sandy.

49. Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it was ripe for a joke.

50. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vegetable?

Frostbite.